Let's talk about SEX, Baby!

Now that I have your attention, I actually want to talk about something PRETTY controversial. Waiting to have sex until Marriage. Before you exit, Hear me out. I definitely DID have sex before marriage, but I honestly wish I would have waited. Alot of people feel like the idea of waiting to have sex before marriage is so "outdated". But allow me to give you my thoughts on why I think waiting to have sex until marriage is SUPER beneficial.

7 Reasons Why You Should Save Yourself Until Marriage

1. Find the "One" quicker and with a clear conscience.

I became a Christian in 2014. I also was finishing up probation and met a man I thought was the one. After reading the Bible more, I realized I shouldn't be having sex before marriage. When I told this to my boyfriend who claimed also to be a christian, i was met with anger and manipulation. Red Flag numero UNO! Rather than seeking to understand my point of view and valuing my spiritual growth, he was more worried about his sexual desires. I was living with him at the time, and with the counsel of another female believer, I decided to move out. This made him even more angry and manipulative. In hindsight, he was very controlling. After moving out, I was able to clear my mind and realize that he wasn't the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We broke up, and months later I found out he had been cheating from the start of our relationship. Definitely very glad I took sex out of the equation, so I wouldn't be blinded by lust, and I could see his TRUE character.

2. Rule out the duds.

After I got out of this relationship, I had decided not to have sex until I got married. This honestly really helped me with dating. I wanted to find a person with the same values and who has the qualities I wanted in a husband. Without sex, you can learn about a person's character a lot faster. If you have had sex, you know how much sex can cloud your judgement. Sex can keep you in a relationship a lot longer than you should be. When you have sex it builds a bond that isn't easily broken. So if you take that away, you see the person for who they really are. You will know if that is a person you can see yourself being with forever, or you can easily break things off. Neither of you lose anything if you have never been intimate.

3. Better Communication.

When you are dating someone and learning if they might be the one for you, communication is super important! When sex is in the picture, couples tend to communicate LESS. I wonder how many people can relate to this. Have you ever got into an argument with the person you are dating, have sex, and never resolve the issue, but you let it go. Then later the same issue keeps coming up, but instead of resolving it, you just mask it with sex? I know I have been in that situation. Again, sex kept me in a relationship longer than I should have.

4. Prevent Sexually Transmitted Disease and Infection.

  • 36.7 Million People are living with AIDS/HIV

  • 1 of 8 People ages 14-49 have Herpes.

  • 1 of every 2 Sexually Active Person will have an STI by age 25.

According to: http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/statistics/.

Save yourself the heartache! These statistics are SCARY! I worked in a pharmacy for 9 Years as a pharmacy technician, and the amount of prescriptions I filled for HIV and Herpes was EYE OPENING! Beautiful men and women came in each month to fill their Herpes Medications, and you would never KNOW that they had something. HIV/AIDS medications costs THOUSANDS of dollars for a one month supply. I am fortunate to not have contracted HIV,AIDS, or Herpes because there is NO CURE for those diseases. I did however contract an STI that was treatable with medication. I felt disgusting and having to tell my partner that they need to get checked was MORTIFYING. Having to tell my now husband this was also kind of embarrassing. I wish I didn't have to go through that. I am not embarrassed to share this with you all because if i can save someone the heartache that I went through, It is worth it!

5. Prevent Unplanned Pregnancy.

Think about the kids on this one, not about yourself. Children are a blessing and a lot of responsibility. Most people want their children to be raised with a mother and a father. Most people also want to feel "ready" to bring a child into this world. When these conditions are not met, many resort to abortion, which brings about guilt and shame for the parents. I know this one can hit home for a lot of women. You are not alone. Forgive yourself. Seek counseling if you are struggling with this.

6. Prevent Divorce.

My parents both had kids outside of wedlock, married after two kids, and they are divorced now. Had they waited, maybe their bond would have been stronger, or maybe they wouldn't have gotten married. As a woman who has had to deal with my parent's divorce, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. For years I had to go to two different houses for Thanksgiving and Christmas. That was always hard for me because I wanted to spend more time with both of them, but I always had to cut it short so I could go see both. Thank God they both lived pretty close to me. Besides splitting holidays, blended families have a whole set of other issues. I didn't get along with my Dad's new wife for a long time, and it took a long time for all of the siblings to get along. Honestly it has taken almost 10 years for us all to get along and be able to be under the same roof. I'm very thankful for that. Unfortunately it took my cousin's tragic death for us all to come together and put aside our differences.

7. Deeper Intimacy with your Spouse.

Like I told you, I wish I could say that I waited until I got married to have sex, but I didn't. I did remain abstinent for about 18 months before I met my husband. We waited about 3 months before we let our hormones take over! But we did continue practicing abstinence while we dated. We did slip up, but we tried to stay abstinent. ANYWAYS! After we got married, I felt very shy about sex. I felt like that was because of my last relationship and being manipulated by my ex. It all came back when I was trying to be intimate with my husband. There were still scars that I didn't know weren't completely healed from my past relationships. Before I became a believer, I used my body to manipulate men, and viewed myself as a sex object. I think that this made me almost repel from sex because I didn't want to feel USED anymore. But when you are married, sex is a way of expressing your love to your spouse, and there is nothing WRONG about it. It has taken me a lot longer to be completely comfortable with my husband intimately. I could be wrong, but I would imagine it be easier had I never had sex. At least then, I wouldn't have the heart ache, guilt, and shame that sex outside of marriage has caused me.

Final Thoughts

Now many of you STILL may think that waiting until marriage is outdated, and I understand that! Sex is everywhere in our society. But if you choose to give your body away, just consider what is at stake: Your physical health, mental health, future children, future marriage, and future relationships. If you are sexually active, I challenge you to "FAST" from sex for 40-90 Days, and see what you notice about your partner that maybe you didn't before. I bet you will learn a lot quicker if this is someone you want to stay with or not! Friends, in no way am I passing judgement on anyone for their choices.. I am simply sharing the heartbreaking experiences I have gone through. I now REALIZE why God did command us to only have sex with our spouse. I have seen first hand the damage that sex outside of marriage has caused. If this saves one person from going through the heartache that I did, the purpose of this blog will be satisfied.

Thanks for reading! Please share your thoughts :)

Wishing you all the best,

You're Femfit Coach,


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